Happy Birthday to Me

On this day, exactly twenty three years ago, I impatiently fought my way out of my mother's womb, over 6 weeks premature. Exhausted by my improbably early birth, I decided to halt my intellectual and social development for the following 7 years to conserve energy, leading many to believe I was mentally retarded. Look at me, waxing nostalgic, alas, those days are over. From here forth, my birthday will no longer be celebrated, seeing that Bea Arthur has died today.
You know, I was planning on a pretty epic celebration tonight but now I think I will just stay in my room with the lights off, sullen, contemplative, depressed.
Thanks a lot world.