Being an Androgynous Bisexual Sexual Predator Has its Perks
Hi, I'm Clay Aiken.
My life is good. I can't complain.
So when I get loads of emails on a daily basis about how I look like the "retarded offspring of the Wendy's girl and Michael Bolton," I say, well, you got to play the cards you are dealt with, even if you can't distinguish which ones are the kings and queens in this ambiguous deck I've been given.
Let's settle the story straight, I am a bisexual who takes full advantage of my looks. I play both fields, regardless of others' sexual preferences. And yes, I have an unhealthy obsession with nonconsensual sex. By the time my date even faintly begins to realize what gender I am he or she is already inhaling the chloroform fumes and is taking the express train to Rape-Town, population: you.
By day, I am the American Idol celebrity, by night, I am perusing the streets for my next victim. Oh and the trust I receive just because I was on television! It is fantastic!
"Oh my God, you are Clay Aiken! would you like to come in for tea or coffee? I don't lock my front door!"
It is almost too easy, like stealing candy from a baby, and then having my way with it....
sexually.
Virtually anyone can be my next victim. When I'm not making various television appearances or busy in the recording studio I literally spend all of my available time browsing craigs list. I am all over the m4w, m4m, w4m, w4w, m4t, t4w casual encounters ads, and if I'm feeling particularly adventurous m4tt. By the way, have you ever tried to fight, drug, and rape two transvestites? Move over pilates, there's a new king of cardio in town! Well, I got to head out, I have a date with an unsuspecting gentleman and I have to get my home-made Flunitrazepam(read: roofies!) ready.
See you on craigs list!
Labels: Clay Aiken, Sex, Unnecessary Force
posted by John the Greek at
8:01 PM
3 Comments:
Here's my problem with evolution. People say that somehowearth was created through some kind of explosion or something. Then poof, life was created!
Now, lets say, for the sake of argument, that you buy into this, so far. OK. Well, here's where it all falls apart, basically, out of the gate. Evolutionists will have you believe that all life evolved from a single cell organism. Really? We did?
Then how do we get such varied species as anteaters, birds, crocodiles, and democrats? And they say we all came from monkeys, Really? Then why are there still monkeys? Are the ones left just lazy? It really doesn't make a lick of sense!
Well don't even get me started on global warming. It's more like:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Cold weather (not WARM I can see snow right outside my window!)
Cold weather who?
Al Gore's a little bitch
On topic, you used the word perusing wrong you fucking intellectual dilettante. Get a god damn dictionary for all of our sakes.
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